Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
