just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
