So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
