someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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