he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize