oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
