Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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