Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
