remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
