Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
