so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
