I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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