Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
