Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
