Michael Bay diarrhea
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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