Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Someone came in the potted fern
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
