all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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