Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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