All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
