would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
