I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
