Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
