There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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