I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
