All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
