He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
