She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
