everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
