Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
