The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
