I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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