goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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