so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
