he wants to bone in the snuggie
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
