just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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