If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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