I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
