I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
