I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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