When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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