Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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