I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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