Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's always time for handjobs
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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