$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
