guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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