So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
