In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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