Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
