Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
