i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
