dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
