It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
