Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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