well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
