the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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