arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
