I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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