Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
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As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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