Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
