I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
