Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
