I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
