is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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