it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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