drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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