In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
