I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
