I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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