the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
