You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize