So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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