watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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