did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
