Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
