If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
